1st August — Finnish Gulf — "Svetlana"
I am still dissatisfied with sailing work. I often get scared when [the thought of] an independent sailing watch comes into my head. I pray to God a lot, delve into everything surrounding me. I willingly ask advice from Pavel Pavlovich (commander of the "Svetlana"), Skrydlov is not particularly trustworthy. Black moments came flooding in today, I was overcome with melancholy, it seemed to me that I don't know anything and will never learn to be a decent sailor. I reminisced about home, about the Pavlovsky rooms, about the balcony with climbing plants, about quiet days. But here you are preparing for something unexpected every minute...
3rd August — "Svetlana"
Again my head ached and I grew despondent. When my heard hurts, it always makes me melancholic. I remember poetry, I think of how good it would be to not have to serve at all and to study on one's own, and most importantly to stay at home. I kept hearing the wonderful words of "Demon"...
4th August — Baltic Sea
In the morning read about the newest ships of the German fleet. It must have a great future. Watch from 1-6 o'clock. On artillery alarm commanded a battery. About 6 o'clock [we] tore up a training mine—at 12 we were underway, sails fixed, dead calm.
5th August
I read Dostoevsky's short story "Poor Folk", the third day of my reading it and I finished it today. I was so terribly sad following the faces from this story, I wanted to find out where in the world there are such people and help them. I scarcely managed to hold it together in the wardroom, went running to my own cabin, knelt by the bed and burst into tears. Couldn't calm down for a long time, the sad incidents of my life came to mind and I cried more and more. All that I have felt over the last few days, all mental hardships flowed out with these tears. Now I feel quite well, and I'm not lazy to go on watch, and am not afraid of anything in the future, and prayed well.
8th August — Kiel
Again despondency has begun to take me apart, [the prospect of] various festivities in Copenhagen scare me. I try to drive from myself the thought that I don't want to serve in the Navy—this is my home—I must submit to fate.
9th August
Prayed hard, asking God to help me in my twenty-second year to be an honest man. In the wardroom I was warmly congratulated...
13th August — Copenhagen
I was greeted so sweetly, so cordially, as if I had come to my own home. Both the King and Queen greeted and questioned [me] so affectionately. I was very glad to see our ducky Tsarevna, she has been visiting her former homeland for two months. She took me to her children who wanted to see me, they were lying in their beds and waiting for me...Then the Tsarevna took me to another room, where there were Crown Princess Louise and Princess Alix, beautiful as day, one looks at her [and] she is so amazingly beautiful and sweet.—Then we all came down to the round room for the evening. It was in this room that I saw our Tsarevna for the first time, she was in mourning for her fiancé the Tsesarevich and had not yet been engaged to Sasha. It was 14 years ago in the year '65.
15th August — Copenhagen
Went to make visits to Princess Caroline, the Crown Prince, and the Dowager Queen. Stood on watch from 6-midnight. Such a life as this is very tedious.
17th August
My watch was from 8 in the morning. The wind (s[outh]w[esterly]) is very fresh, and roars. The senior officer went ashore to the Thorvaldsen Museum, I stayed for him, [so] for the watch I was instead joined by Tolstoy. Thus, for a few hours I'm a senior officer—caliph for an hour; running around the decks, seeing if everything's in order. Second anchor was made. Very fresh. I went ashore...found the Queen, Minnie, and Alix at tea, immediately sat on the floor—ma position[sic?]. Then Minnie took me to Alix's room, lay down on the sofa there, and I sat down on the floor again. So we spent the time until dinner...It is clear that there is and has always been family happiness [here], there are clear and simple relations between everyone, not like we have. I understand that both Sasha and Minnie come here to take a break from the tedious, awkward moral situation in St. Petersburg. Even the children are here somehow more cheerful, freer and at ease. Returned around 9 o'clock.
18th August
From hour to hour the yacht "Tsarevna" is expected, on which the Tsesarevich should come from Stockholm. At 9 o'clock in the morning went ashore with officers on a lifeboat. Went with Tolstoy, Denisov, and the senior doctor, first to change money and then to the Thorvaldsen Museum. I was overcome by a reverent feeling at the sight of the famous sculptor's simple grave, covered with ivy, in the midst of all his works. I liked his Hermes the best.
19th August
Finally, the Tsesarevich arrived at 6 in the morning on a private steamer from Malmo. After breakfast I went to visit him and stayed there all day. It was nice to see Sasha and Minnie together, they both look so happy. This time the dinner was festive with music, there were many invited guests who dined in another room, and the family separately in the dining room—the King got up and drank to the health of Sasha, who was very embarrassed and blushed despite his considerable size and heavy form. Sasha is modest and shy to the extreme. In the evening everyone went to the Dowager Queen; she has kept remarkably well, one can't say that she is in her ninth decade; I really like her, such a nice, important old lady, presently you see that she is a queen; both peace and tranquility reign over her, everything is so simple and nice and at the same time on a big foot*.
20th August
I've been on my watch since noon...telegraphed the Tsesarevich that I would not be there. I haven't yet said anything about our frigate monk; because of him today some troubles occurred on the frigate, which I will use to describe the character of the priest. Father Ilya the second joined the frigate during its voyage from the Novgorod Skovorodsky Monastery; his appearance is very unattractive; he is an elderly man with sparse grey-streaked hair, his forehead is wrinkled and completely sloping upwards—a sign of poor development. Indeed, Father Ilya is extremely, stupidly underdeveloped and he is completely uneducated; he speaks badly, stammering and stuttering even during worship, and pronounces the letter "v" in little Russian [Ukrainian] as "u". As a dark person, he certainly does not mind strong drinks.—In our wardroom society is divided into two halves; at one end of the table are gold-navy, at the other—silver, i.e mechanics and navigator. Today, at dinner, one of the navigators got the Father drunk so that he completely went beyond the bounds of decency, especially as a spiritual person.—Then some went to laugh at the priest, to encourage him to preach a sermon, others, partly me, were indignant about this. However, I confess I could not resist and listened to Father Ilya's "word about the soul". Of course the "word" was a joke, and finally by common efforts [we] persuaded the priest to go to bed in his own cabin. Then the senior officer began to protest, finding that it was extremely indecent to get a priest drunk, that it was disrespectful to the wardroom and disrespectful to the clergy; the guilty young navigator got badly hurt, he was beseiged and he fell silent.
21st August
After breakfast went ashore. Went to an antiquary, bought myself some old carved cabinets, bought a bronze of Thorvaldsen's Mercury.
25th August — Copenhagen
I was on watch from 8-12 and during this watch the frigate was visited by the Tsesarevich and Tsarevna. After inspecting the frigate, the Tsesarevich wished to see sailing lessons. We set the sails and then secured them. Then [we] sounded the alarm for the battery; the artillery drill went much better—the best old sailors were on the barge for Sasha and on guard, so there was no one on the main rigging—it's not surprising that the sailing drill could not be brilliant. Nevertheless both the Tsesarevich and the Tsarevna were completely satisfied.
26th August — "Svetlana"
I was terribly weary—we're leaving tomorrow. I said goodbye to everyone and thanked them for the affectionate welcome...
27th August
We weighed anchor at 7.30 in the morning. Another ten days, maybe less, and I'll be home. I count the days, the numbers, the watches, until I can be idle. Grow more and more impatient all the time.
* Saying meaning 'done on a grand scale'.
Source: https://imwerden.de/pdf/romanov_konstantin_dnevniki_vospominaniya_stikhi_pisma_1998__ocr.pdf
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