Diaries of Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich - July 1879

 

Konstantin by Aniklot Pasetti, 1870s

17 June[sic] — Pavlovsk

We are celebrating the 25-year anniversary of Papa's deliverance from drowning. It is the day of St. Marina. Papa asked permission from the Sovereign to take part of the holy relics, located in the chapel of the Winter Palace, to our chapel in the Marble [Palace]. Today the relics were brought to Pavlovsk. A moleben was served, the former officers from Lefort 25 years ago were gathered. Solemn breakfast in the Greek Hall...

18 July — Kronstadt

The Sovereign viewed the cruisers Europe, Asia and Africa; the clippers Robber and Rider, Equestrian, Gaydamak, and the corvette Bayan on the eastern Kronstadt roadstead. — I was in the suite. Out of the family the Sovereign was accompanied by the Tsesarevich, Papa and Alexei. At 12 we left from Petersburg on the yacht Alexandria. 

The weather remained favourable, a cloudy sky, over time the sun was hidden; however it was very warm. —First the Sovereign visited Gaydamak, then Equestrian, Bayan, the American corvette Enterprise and Europe. On Gaydamak and Equestrian the alarms were piercing, the review of the artillery was executed with remarkable speed. On Bayan they opened the sails. On Enterprise there was a ceremonial march. Puppet comedy. 

20 July — Ilyin day — Pavlovsk

Did a big walk with Tatiana Mikhailovna and Pavel Egorovich. We are now good friends. After breakfast all three gathered at Tatiana Mikhailovna's. General Kireev read to us a note titled: "Should we dispose of nihilism?", which he wishes to give to the Sovereign. 

The reasons our nihilism was spawned are explained in the note, and the methods to which it is necessary to resort in order to save the youth from it. 

It seems to me that Kireev has missed an advantageous opportunity to keep silent, wishing to give his note to the Sovereign. I am convinced that his advice will not only have no effect, but will even be totally overlooked, still this is the lesser evil: he could also pay for his words. But I respect Kireev precisely because he always acts according to his conscience, and not as will benefit him. 

Tatiana Mikhailovna Lazareva, 1860s

22 July

I'm composing the poem "Willow". 

23 July — Gatchina

We—that is, Mama, Tanya Lazareva and I—conducted Maria Pavlovna and Vladimir to Gatchina. When their train moved, we were met at Gatchina station by P. S. Keppen. Sat four in the carriage and we were brought to Gatchina through the garden. 

At Gatchina, in the park, in the palace, there is a seal of loneliness, historical antiquity and secrecy; when you arrive, you are covered in the soul of the old world, not possessed by any other Petersburg country palace. Involuntarily at Gatchina, from every corner of the palace rooms it is as if hidden sighs can be heard, and quiet tears, and laughter, and laughter[sic], and the fun of the good old years.

We stayed a long time in the Chinese gallery, looking at old portraits and pretentious chinoiserie. The sun, shining through the yellow glass, lit up the bronzes and Chinese porcelain; didn't want to leave there. —We didn't manage to see the rooms of Paul I and his bed, on which he died—there was not time before the train left...

Chinese gallery at Gatchina, early 20th c

29 July — Kronstadt

At 9 in the morning weighed anchor under steam. Under the command of Skrydlov and taking the advice of other officers, I cleaned the anchor. My first watch while travelling was at 12 in the afternoon. 

⧫⧫⧫

Translation by Lottie Bailey (@Medesikasta)

SOURCES:

Diary: К. Р.Дневники. Воспоминания. Стихи. Письма, ed. by Ella Matonina

Photos:

Konstantin

Tatiana Mikhailovna

Gatchina

Diaries of Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich - June 1879

Konstantin, c. 1875

1 June — Novorossiysk

In the morning dropped anchor at Novorossiysk bay. Around it are green mountains of monotonous, despondent appearance. The wharf suffers from a cruel "bora", especially in winter. In '48 in this roadstead during a "bora" storm the schooner Jet was sunk, went to the bottom under pressure of an ice crust. A very unimportant place for anchoring. 

Wonderful weather, very warm. I was so happy at the thought that tomorrow I will be in Oreanda. I so love the view of Yalta and the Yalta roadstead, the smell of laurels, the steep scales of Ai-Petri. When I'm sad, it's nice to remember all this, especially the slope of the mountains to the sea outside Yalta, to make the heart feel better. 

Novorossiysk gives the impression of a boring, empty city. A dirty church, unfortunate public garden, inconspicuous streets, nasty bridges, barracks, hospital, Greeks and some sort of Russians. I went with Obezyaninov to the mountain, accompanied by Colonel Nikiforaki. He, it seems, is a very businesslike, skilful and good person. He will surely get a lot from the engineers; Papa noticed that the cathedral is in a very obscene state, and asked who maintained it: the colonel answered, the engineers. Papa gave a stern dressing-down to the engineering department in the presence of the officers, instructing them to convey this to their superiors. Obezyaninov promised me to warn them in Tiflis that the engineers are really guilty—and that Nikifiraki didn't dole this out to them, but Papa himself noticed the dirty environment of the church.

3 June — Oreanda

After breakfast talked about "going through hard times". I gave comfort, saying that the world does not revolve around a wedge*, that people have lived and live and will go on living. Talked about the trial of Solovev, who committed an attempt on the Sovereign's life, and about his execution on 27 May.

4 June

Read about the state criminal Solovev and a description of his execution. It made a heavy impression on me, my head even started to hurt...

5 June — Oreanda

Last day here. Someday I will again see dear Crimea. God grant that I will then be at least no worse than I am now.

7 June — Nikolaev

At 11 in the morning was on the Bug at Spasskaya pier. Big meeting, admirals in uniform, flowers, gates, "Welcome" sign and so on—all as it should be... Set out with Kormanovsky to wander around the city. Were at the craft school; at a shelter for old men, women, and children, at an organised society; at a girls' boarding house and the Konstantin literacy school.

Then I went to the cemetery; wanted to visit the graves of my first teacher Elizaveta Ivanovna Iliny and my dear Gavrishev, who died of his wounds at Mama's infirmary. I prayed at his grave, asked him to pray to God to strengthen Mama's health and happiness. And it seemed to me, that Vladimir's soul was closer to me. —At home found out that our departure from here has been postponed until tomorrow. Can't express how upset this made me: I so hoped to finish with the tedious and boring inspections of all sorts of establishments and workshops. I gathered myself, prayed to God to calmly shift my trouble. I prayed also to Gavrishev. And the prayer helped and strengthened me wonderfully. I soon came to see and find some satisfaction in wandering the admiralty behind Papa, among the huge suite. A few times Papa got very angry over the idiotic and careless trimmings of a few objects of the Nikolaev port.

9 June — On the bank of the Bug

The whole time the weather remained wonderful, very sultry. Went with N. I. Kaznakov to a missile factory, and to a Bulgarian boarding house.

Bathed in the Bug. Was with Papa at the Panferova women's boarding house, the Alexandrovsky gymnasium and examined an excellent, still unfinished naval hospital.

At 4:45 left Nikolaev. Mama asked [me] on the telephone to plant jasmine and mignonette at Gavrishev's grave. I instructed this to Kaznakov, he promised to fulfil it. Mama asked [me] to plant exactly these flowers, because [her?] old governess saw the dead in her sleep, as though to reproach her for not taking to his grave mignonette and jasmine, his favourite flowers. 

10 June

In Kharkiv Papa was met by the temporary governor-general Loris-Melikov. We were there with him, he told Papa about the current mood of Kharkiv society and about the socialist-revolutionary society. I liked Melikov's beliefs, though I have read little and know little to judge people's view on management. All my inner feelings rejoiced, seeing that in Kharkiv the governor-general doesn't take any steep, careless measures as leader.

11 June — Moscow

At 6 1/2 were in Moscow. By custom, went upon arrival to bow to the ikon of the Iveron Mother of God. The people awaited us around the wide porches and greeted with a welcoming "hoorah". Going into the chapel, made two earthly bows, venerated the ikon and again bowed to the earth, I heard the church singing, and on exiting my hearing was again deafened by the "hoorah" of the people. It was nice to feel the connection, seemingly non-existent between other peoples and their princes.

I experienced joy and a racing heart, seeing Red Square, Lobnoe Mesto, Vasily the Blessed, and then, when we removed our caps beneath the Spassky Gates, a man on a wagon, having removed his hat, also took the hat off [his] coachman. 

We settled in at the Small Kremlin Palace. In every step here Papa has childhood memories. After lunch he took me to Alexandria, where every room also reminds him of childhood and his deceased sister Alexandra Nikolaevna (aunt Anchen), with whom he was especially friendly. Alexandria belonged to Count Orlov-Chesmensky and was bought by the deceased Sovereign for the Empress. We also went in the garden. Papa wanted to show me the pavilion where in his childhood he ran between lessons. Now Sergei Nikolaevich Solovev lives there, he's very ill, the doctors say that he has liver cancer.

We went to him and found him working on a manuscript of the history of Ekaterina. We live under one roof with the Chudovsky Monastery, where the relics of Saint Alexei lie.

Alexandria Palace, c. 1884

12 June 

Prince Dolgorukov sent me T. V. Merlin who was under him—Count Uvarov is not here—and in the morning I went all around Moscow with Merlin. Today I went to the cathedrals: Uspensky, Archangel and Annunciation; venerated the relics and looked at the shrines and sites. Was at the palace, in the Facteted and Gold palaces, at the Terem, saw the inner churches...

We went with Papa to the anthropological exhibition, where the committee received us with breakfast. Then we viewed the exhibition. The archeological section was very captivating and interesting. 

Had lunch at Dologrukov's; I sat beside Maria Nikolaevna Mansurova, the niece of the prince...

Yesterday were at the Maly Theatre, for a conservatory staging of "Evgeny Onegin" by Tchaikovsky, under the direction of N. G. Rubinstein. The role of Tatiana was beautifully played by the student Klimentova. 

13 June

In the morning went with Merlin to the patriarchal sacristy and armoury palace. After breakfast was with Papa at the anthropological exhibition. From there again with Merlin went to the archive of the ministry of foreign affairs, where my nerves were tried to the extreme by the obsequiousness of the archive director Baron Buhler.

Before leaving we walked around the whole Kremlin wall; the weather was good, the view of Moscow was delightful—Had lunch again at Dolgoruky's.

14 June — Moscow

In the morning saw the Saviour on the Bor, Vasily the Blessed...Was in the women's Passion Monastery. There is an ikon of the Holy Mother of God, and the head of St. Anastasia. I came to the Hegumen. Want to send a lamp to the ikon in this monastery. Was at Merlin's, and no matter how much I refused and was embarrassed, I was obliged to take a gift from him of a few antique things from his own unparalleled collection...Were at the cathedral of the Saviour under construction; saw the raising of the bells. The cathedral's appearance, especially inside, is of amazing size and beauty.

Were at the house of S. M. Tretyakov, ["голови" is the whole clause here but I don't really know what he means by this], viewed his gallery. Were also at the museum of applied knowledge, then Soldatyonkov's gallery and the other Tretyakov's.

15 June — 1879 — Pavlovsk

Went with Papa to Tsarskoe. The Sovereign gave me a badge with his monogram, having said: "For you, in memory of the day when you were with me during Plevna". Papa told the Sovereign about all our travels, gave him a good impression of sailing on Popovka. Were at the Empress'; she was also interested in Popovka and in our travels generally.

...Here I heard that I will not go around the world this year. I am lost in assumptions, and give my fate into the hands of God.

19 June — Pavlovsk

Completely orphaned; now Pavel Egorovich has gone as well I remain alone, however I am not sorry, I'm fine alone.

In the morning went up to the storerooms, looked out the old and intricate in a pile of things; found a jacob armchair, and such a magnificent bureau. Among all the junk found a portrait of Peter the Great and the king of England Charles I. Took all this to my room. Mama helped me to arrange it, and it turned out very sweet.

22 June

Got up very late and thus wasn't happy with myself, head hurt a bit. Was late to a walk with Tatiana Mikhailovna.

After breakfast went to Tsarskoe. Met the Sovereign and Empress in a carriage; a Cossack on the box, in front, mounted Cossacks at the sides and behind, a few at a distance...in drozhki. I confess, it hurt to watch how the Tsar should travel as a prisoner—and then where? In Russia itself. 

22 June [cont?]

Was at Elena Sheremeteva's; she lives in Tsarskoe at the Kreylitz Dacha[?]. We were very, very happy to see one another. On the path to hers I pondered my love and could not account for it: is it right that my inner self is meek and accustomed to all sorts of sorrow, or was the love not real? I remember how it hurt me, pained me, but I never felt jealous and even fell in love with Volodya. And now, though I really wished to be Elena's husband when it was possible, I don't feel despair...

About my sailing nothing more has been said, I don't know anything. I confess it's a rather unpleasant state...

Elena Sheremeteva, née Stroganova, c. 1870s

23 June

In the morning read the biography of Grand Duchess Elena Pavlovna "In Old and New Russia". 

It often occurs to me that my diary also, after sixty, seventy years, will appear in print somewhere: often, I confess, this makes me pay attention to the style and truthfulness of my notes...

Laroche came to me, professor of music theory at the Petersburg Conservatory. He's my friend, I happily showed him our palace; it never tires me and cannot bore me to talk for the hundredth time about various rooms, the porcelain, the bronze, the wallpaper and the old furniture, showing all these to charm guests...

24 June — Pavlovsk

Our family had lunch at the Tsar's; the Empress is extremely weak, her appearance is sickly and tired, she coughs harshly. Because of her weakness she near enough didn't participate in the conversation between the Sovereign and Papa, she, unmoving, sat in an armchair, often closing her eyes, and had the most pathetic appearance. The conversation was boring for our generation: about former commanders of the guard regiments, about the chiefs of sections of these regiments' manoeuvres. Must be confessed that these luncheons are not famous among we who are cheerful or at all curious. 

Late evening at Pavlovsk I was at Tatiana Mikhailovna's and sat there until one in the morning. Told her about my life on Svetlana and then on the bank of the Danube, my childish attachment to Alexei Valentinovich and how these feelings changed to sincere and strong friendship. 

Told her, per her request, about the Silistrian situation and how I received the George cross. 

Returned home by the yard; loved the view of the palace in the light and bright June night, illuminated by the full moon. 

25 June — Petersburg

If Nicholas I were alive, he would be 83 years old today. The family gathered for a panikhida in Petersburg, in the fortress. 

28 June — Pavlovsk

Mama returned from Strelna extremely agitated. Entering the Tsarskoe Selo garden, at the big palace, not far from the arsenal, she was met by a Cossack on horseback. Behind him were harnessed a pair of English horses which the Sovereign ruled, leading a basket, in which apart from the Sovereign was Princess Dolgorukaya and the children. Pavel Egorovich [and] Countess Keller, accompanying Mama, noticed that the Sovereign looked extremely embarrassed.

It's understandable that Mama was extremely upset after such a meeting. I thanked God that I didn't go with Mama. The heart pours blood to see what our Tsar is doing, the Autocrat of all Russia, and even after the wonderful escape from the attempt on his life.

29 June

My fate now, it seems, has changed. Papa was at Kronstadt yesterday. He inspected the corvette Bayan, which has returned from distant sailing. The thought came to him to send Bayan around the world again in autumn with a guards' crew. He wants to send me with them. Here now everything has changed. I'm happy, however Petersburg winter frightens me, with divorces, festivities and so on...

                                        ⧫⧫⧫

*Idiom essentially meaning 'not the be all end all'. 

Translation by Lottie Bailey (@Medesikasta)

SOURCES:

Diary: К. Р.Дневники. Воспоминания. Стихи. Письма, ed. by Ella Matonina

Konstantin

Elena

Alexandria

The Waves Drifted Off / Задремали Волны (1879) — Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich Poem

The Crimean Coast in the Moonlight by Ivan Aivazovsky, 1853

From the cycle "At the Shore"

The waves drifted off

The vaulted sky clear;

Moonlight shines across

Water azure.

The silver tipped sea

Flickering aflame...

Thus joy does sorry

Things brighten again.

Oreanda
May 1879

Из цикла «У берегов»

Задремали волны,

Ясен неба свод;

Светит месяц полный

Над лазурью вод.


Серебрится море,

Трепетно горит...

Так и радость горе

Ярко озарит.

Орианда
Май 1879

                                         ⧫⧫⧫

Translation by Lottie Bailey (@Medesikasta)

SOURCES: 

Poem: К. Р. Избранное : Стихотворения, переводы, драмы, ed. by Evgeni Osetrov

Aivazovsky

Diaries of Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich - May 1879

Konstantin with his sister Olga [Olya], c. 1880s

25 May — Crimea

...For the last time we drank coffee "at the swan"*—on the bank of the pond in the silence of the thick trees, below the rock and the church. The goodbyes began: all the inhabitants of Oreanda poured out of the entrance to wish everyone happy travels...

" — Sevastopol

Arrived in Sevastopol around 4... Spent 2 miserable hours before the departure of the Tsar, Tsaritsa, Mama, Sergei and Mitya. 

Tears flooded, the minutes of separation came. Olya and Mama cried: I felt the tears rising in my throat and also cried. Thanked the Sovereign and the Empress sincerely for their tenderness and care. 

We remained there: Papa, Olya and I. Drove to the north side, to the considerable Sevastopol war cemetery. It reminded me of '73, when I was here with Ilya Alexandrovich. I then really loved Lushkov and found the grave of his father and his name carved in gold on marble in the church. 

We went with awe into the pyramid church. Over the entrance is a mosaic image of Christ. I looked at the grand and quiet, meek parts and it seemed that it should be good to lie peacefully under the earth [here] and to rest from work, cares and wounds when such a Guardian is protecting against them. 

Every ikon in the Church evokes the time when the dead will leave their graves. 

We went around the cemetery, reading left and right on the headstones the names of those killed, those who died from injuries and the terrible words "mass grave". 

The sun went down, the cemetery garden looked cosy and natural, the warm air well-scented with flowers. Recalled the words: "Wait a little—you'll rest too..."

We had lunch on Popovka. With terror I awaited the minutes of last kisses with Olya—new tears. Longed to break at once and shatter in different directions. Brought Olya to the steamer Konstantin...Going away on a tender, I shouted to Olya: "Goodbye, Christ be with you". I heard her last words "Thank you". I got out on Popovka. On her Papa and I will sail the Black Sea...

Inside Popovka gives the impression of a terrible hellish machine. In the middle, between two funnels and thick ventilators, opens the wide abyss of a tower. At will, from there rises like bloodthirsty crocodiles 12-inch (40 ton) guns and they can get any angle of elevation. Suddenly all this abyss begins to rotate rapidly, and this action doesn't interfere with the guns rising in the same way. And suddenly, among the darkness, a Yablochkov candle lights up—and immediately everything around is bright and glittering.

V-A Popov [Popovka] c. 1873

26 May — Black Sea — Vice-Admiral Popov

Popovka is commanded by Balk. The society which gathers at Papa's is, with a few exceptions, not very likeable to me. There is no one with whom I could talk, more than to just unburden oneself...

I'm trying to pay attention to naval matters. I can't help but confess that questions of state interest me more than private naval matters. Had I my own way, I would serve in the civil service. But now it is my duty to be a sailor...Tomorrow morning maybe Batumi...

29 May — Batumi

Around us opened the mountainous shore, at the foot of the mountains is located a small, unattractive town with several mosques. At the edge of the spit enclosing Batumi bay lies the Turkish forces, in the middle of which is a pole to raise the lighthouse fire. The entrance to the bay is open and wide, though the bay itself is not great and cannot accommodate a large fleet. But private ships often come, Turkish steamships, English, French, the Austrians maintain contact with Trebizond, and the Russians with Poti.

The city is populated with Turks, Greeks, Armenians. In the mountains and outskirts of the city live Kabulets, Adjarians, [the transcriber has written "Ladi" here but I think it should be Lazi], and Gurians. 

Here Papa met: Prince Sviatopolk-Mirsky, temporary intercessor in the position of Deputy, the military governor, General-Major Komarov and corps commander General Svoev. They all had breakfast at ours on Popovka and also a Turk—Mustafa-Pasha. At 3 all went ashore with Papa.

At the pier was an honour guard of the Vladikavkaz regiment with many Georgian cavaliers. We were planted in carriages, some sat astride. Observed the Turkish coastal forces. Papa visited the military camps and hospital. Then went into the mountains. At the steep bridge Papa, I and Mirsky also went on horses into the mountains.

From that height was an excellent view of the sea and the neighbouring mountains. The city itself is in a low-lying, coastal and swampy ravine, the mountains start a little way back from the shore. The mountains here are not very high, but extremely picturesque and covered with fresh greenery. The sky was covered with clouds and they encased the snowy peaks of the inner spine. 

Around 7 we returned to Popovka. 

31 May—Simonovo—Kanonitsky Monastery

Weighed anchor at 1 in the morning. At 4 were in Psereti, went out to shore. Near to the shore was a stone church, surrounded by the ancient collapsed walls of a Genoese fortress. The bells were tolling, we were met at the pier by monks in vestments with crosses and holy water. They led us to the church and served a short moleben. We all then went over the mountain to look at the ancient temple. On the road the superior told us about how the monastery was founded. In ancient times Andrew the First-Called and Simon the Zealot, also called the Cannonite because Christ was at his wedding in Cana of Galilee, came to Abkhazia to preach Christianity. According to legend the Apostle Simon founded a church here on the riverbank...and there he died and was buried. In this century several monks came here, to Psereti, from the Athos Monastery. They founded a church and school for little Abkhazians. In the last war this was all destroyed. But, at the conclusion of peace, the monks returned, in 3 months built the stone church where we were, and will start the school again. 

We heard the noise of the river, though it was not visible through the thick vegetation; the mountains towered around, covered all over with forest. Here we saw a huge, branchy hazel grove, behind it an ancient temple of Byzantine construction made from hewed stone, half-destroyed, and covered with ivy and climbing plants; legend says the Apostle Simon is buried there. 

Above the entry dome of the church grows a huge fig tree—its trunk is inside, between the walls of the building. We went into the church. The dome is collapsed, the floor overgrown with burlock, and ivy papers the walls beautifully...To my delight, surprisingly, the ancient colours are visible on the walls; on the western wall, opposite the altar and among the ancient remains of the wall, paintings of the Assumption of the Mother of God are visible...

                                       ⧫⧫⧫

*Maria Sosnogorova's guide to Oreanda mentions a pond with swans, presumably this is what the Konstantinovichi called it. 

Translation by Lottie Bailey (@Medesikasta)

Sources:

Diary: К. Р.Дневники. Воспоминания. Стихи. Письма, ed. by Ella Matonina

Konstantin and Olga

Popovka

Diaries of Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich - 1877

Konstantin c. 1874

16/4 June

Friday | 1:30 in the morning | Frigate "Svetlana"

At close of day I love to crack open my diary and record my impressions: it's pleasant to think that a day has passed, and all its ills will never happen again, if ills there were. And so I'm now rejoicing that this day has passed, though it was not especially bad...

18/6 June

Friday | Pavlovsk

Mama returned from Strelna. I found her on her balcony sitting with Papa. She already knew about my departure and was glad of it. She knows her duty so well that she didn't even wince when Papa announced my departure to her, she says that she would give everything to the fatherland to the last drop of blood. She also requested the following: when Papa left, she wrote to him asking that Mitya be sent to the Danube as well and he, in his turn, wrote to Papa. Mama wrote the letter with such sound arguments, with such convincing entreaties that, she says, Papa will not refuse. 

That Mitya might go was an unpleasant thought to me; very unpleasant! I wanted to be by myself, and that people not from my Svetlana life would not bother me. With Mitya, of course, will go I. A., who I love terribly but who will really annoy me on the Danube without himself being aware of it. His presence, when I am among my own [people?], embarasses me extremely, I feel awkward, I am afraid of every word and action, so as not to see displeasure on his face. This is wretched; I tried to force myself to stifle this feeling, even prayed over his going with me...

19/7 June

Saturday | Pavlovsk

Drank tea on my balcony. At 10 o'clock Mama woke, we went to her. Today I had almost reconciled myself to the thought that Mitya will also set out with me on the Danube. So we are sitting at Mama's; she slept little and feels poorly. Papa came in. From the first word he thanked Mitya for the noble feelings and impulses related in yesterday's letter, but rejected his request, saying that he, Mitya, still had more to learn and shouldn't think about the war. I was almost sure of such an answer...

Yesterday, Mama expressed to me a wish that I should fast before going. Today, after lunch, I told this to Papa. He answered that he had the same thought, but that it's not possible because of the tasks currently occupying me. To Mama, apparently, this was unpleasant, more so as I gave into Papa's words yesterday and refused the holy intention...

20/8 June

Sunday | Pavlovsk

Mama received a mass of telegrams, one, by the way, from the Sovereign, he says that he will be glad to see me on the banks of the Danube...

I really longed to go to the chapel to pray, so no one would see me. I said goodbye to Mama, left Mitya with her, and went through the semi-dark halls to the choir of our chapel. There I knelt, leant on the railing, closed my eyes and prayed, or rather, thought, reflected...

Tomorrow F[ather]. Arseny will come.

21/9 June

Monday

Got up quite late. At 10 o'clock Baranov cut my hair. At 11 o'clock went to the chapel. We always stand in the choir, and downstairs—the people. Today there was no one downstairs and I was glad of it, it's somehow better to pray when alone. Mama came at the end of the obednya. She almost didn't sleep at all, felt poorly, but was sprightly and cheerful. 

I prayed well and thought a lot about myself. I'm already very far from that time when it was so easy to pray, and when it seemed to me that God and the Angels hear me and don't disdain my prayer. And now it is hard for me to concentrate my thoughts and set my mind on religious matters. When I finally, go deep within myself and start to pray, I see my sins from the blackest angle and the past seems impossible to me. Then I think that God has turned away from me and has no need for my prayers. And I remember an evening in Madeira. Talking with —, he was on watch, we were standing, leaning against the right side gun. I was consoling him, he had discovered something within himself...

1:40 in the morning — So I was consoling him, He had discovered such evil in himself, such evil that he could not see forgiveness for himself; I told him that the Lord rejoices more in the repentance of one sinner than in the saintly lives of 99 righteous people. But now I remember these words, and they don't produce the calming effect on me which they did then on him...

22/10 June

12 3/4 in the morning

A telegram came from Papa, who has left for Kronshtadt. He ordered that we be present at St. Isaac's Cathedral tomorrow for a moleben on the occasion of the capture of Tarnovo. I became feverish: wrote to Mama asking her to have obednya earlier. tried on my big boots, as one ought to be in full dress uniform. It was very unpleasant to me, that now after Communion I shall have to fly to the city; it would have been a good deal better not to rush through hearing obednya and to remain all day in peace...

Tuesday

The day of Communion has arrived...

I immediately dressed in field uniform, i.e. in the embroidered uniform with sabres and big boots. Having dressed, went with F[ather]. Arseny to the chapel. There, before the royal doors, was placed a lectern with the Cross and the Gospel. Father read prayers, and I began to confess. My confession never before lasted so long, and Father spoke so much and so well. But I did not have my former childish joy and peace which embraced my whole being after confession in previous, pure years. And this damned upcoming trip to the city especially disrupted the desired peace. 

Mama slept well and woke up by herself. We stood for obednya downstairs, there were absolutely no people. I positively could not pray at all, my tie, which kept creeping out from under the collar of my uniform, concerned me far more than the approaching sacrament. Such is the callousness I have reached. The only good thing is the consciousness of my own unworthiness. 

When Mama and I approached the bowl I felt excellent and, as always in these moments lost all comprehension. And having received communion, I again fell into the abyss of stupid everyday worries and I was once again bothered by my tie, which kept sliding along the collar of my new silk shirt. I chewed the phosphora and could not thank God. 

Then we hastily fled into the city...The Metropolitan and many clergy served the moleben, it was all very solemn, but I was terribly impassive...

24/12 June

Thursday | Pavlovsk

My batman Fokin got some new clothes, Stepanov sent him for some reason. I told him that he can go to the city to take communion with the rest of the crew setting out for the Danube. Had lunch in the Gonzaga Gallery. Then drove with Mama. I think, sometimes, that this may be the last time I'll see lovely Pavlovsk!

12:40 in the morning

Farewell dear, loyal, faithful diary. 

⧫⧫⧫

Translation by Lottie Bailey (@Medesikasta)

Source: К. Р.Дневники. Воспоминания. Стихи. Письма, ed. by Ella Matonina

I have absolutely no idea what's going on with the days of the week here. They're like this both in the book compiled by Ella Matonina and on Прожито (although I believe the latter is transcribed from the former) so I've left them as is.

Умер — (Translation of) a Poem by Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich

A relatively quick translation of my favourite KR poem. Notes:

1. This translation isn't 1-1 (though I don't think I've strayed terribly far). Unlike my usual work, I decided that since it's a poem I should try and value the general vibe over getting it as close to the original as possible. Let me know if it worked.

2. At times, he uses what I assume to be nosism which I have translated simply as 'I' for ease of reading. I say assume because I could easily have interpreted it wrongly, but some lines (in my unprofessional opinion) make little sense if they are actually supposed to indicate 'we'.

3. I'm fairly certain it scans with the accompanying Plevitskaya song, though annoyingly some lines of the poem are omitted from the song anyway.

So without further ado...